Am I an Indian?

I have always felt a stranger in my own country, maybe even held captive by forces beyond my control. But I have always known this is where I belong and never once gave a serious thought to leaving it. A misplaced moral compass has been a big aid to enabling this situation! Nationalism is over-rated. If all our people were educated and could live a life with self-respect and self-esteem would there be any real attachment to our country? People would find a lot of other interests to get attached to and would give no real time or attention to feeling proud of this country. The misplaced moral compass is what makes me feel for the masses who cant help themselves. The have-nots in this country have been handed a raw deal. This feeling of sadness and helplessness towards them is what makes me celebrate everytime India wins a cricket match or is shown in positive light in the global stage or when a Banking official provides loans to the poor in South Indian villages to help them start their own business. If you are educated and earn a comfortable living and can live with self-respect, nothing would turn you off more than the type of politicians we have - selfish and rotten to the core. Yet when I see people like P Chidambaram come on tv and answer his critics after a naxal attack, mildly honestly if I may say, I see some hope. Not that I am a supporter of him by any means. I wonder how such people rise to the top. Accountability is hard to establish in our system, a system run by officials who are too self-serving. No good should happen then but it does. A Koda has been side-lined, Pawar's business links are costing him dear, supreme court is pulling up Obulapuram Mining Company and an Arjun Singh is being questioned. This good makes me happy. Am I an Indian? Yes.

Please Say Yes

If you say Yes, I would be happy. There are a lot of people who disagree with me. They dont approve of the fact that someone can love something that is not human. A country. A club. A technology? Too many social media experts around for my liking! Am I compensating for a lack of something by over-compensating for it elsewhere? The world is full of cynics and believers and I have to say they pretty much cancel each other out. The cynics are happy just criticizing everything that they come across and not really putting hope into anything. The believers appear the happy lot, ignorance as they say, is bliss. If you are surrounded by cynics and believers and have an open mind to absorb would you be more inclined to become a cynic or a believer? What exactly makes an individual? I believe this has more to do with your genes than what you are being fed by your immediate surrounding. An analytical mind is a subject of your genes, a god-given misery. It can make a choice but not of its existence. If you spend all your life reading books and talking to the cynics and believers around you, I believe there are not too many scenarios where you will end up a believer. A cynic is the only outcome. Because a believer is born and not made, a god-given misery too. You will be oblivious to your surroundings as you are blinded by your beliefs, the origins of which are forever lost in your muddled, largely unconnected and unorganized brain. I dont know how accountability is established in this world as I forever think the evil is winning. I want to believe. So please say Yes.

Surrounding Influence

In order to perform at your best and deliver on expectations, you need an ambience...a place where you are liked and the music is per your wishes. I am not sure if people feel the need to perform all the time as it can become exhausting, but the ones with such a spirit and energy - even artificially created using stimulants - do feel the need. Maybe its a form of liberation. A freedom from not performing. Or a life goal, of global dominance. The later having few takers. If one takes this to an extreme, you would be performing all the time and the part of your character which doesnt do anything may be eventually overpowered. I find my ambience in a variety of situations, one of which is listening to music which has no beats. A form of sereneness and calm sets in, you say deep things in short sentences, devoid of any connotations. As you grow older almost everything can appear deep and complicated. Words cannot always capture the essence of one's feeling. Experience and change add their own connotation to your words leaving out the need for anything explicit. Performance varies as per the ambience and the time for which you have been performing. There may be an end to you performing. Maybe you loose the ambience or the audience. Jokes from 70s are not funny anymore though a deep few still go to operas. In time, people resort to set patterns which they know get the reception, it becomes a routine and is not a performance anymore. If you want to perform, pick the right ambience but dont plan, unless you are a mathematician.