Fire in the hole

You get into a hole in between. This hole where you have the power to view things objectively and yet somehow feel a sense of identity with one of the sides, which you feel the need to express in order for a larger audience to understand you. And by understanding you, you wish to bring about a change in their mindset, a slow measured change, however infinitesimally small. That sense of identity is, of course, being Indian. And that power to view things objectively may suggest on innumerable occasions you should be criticizing the very fabric of our society. Our dated beliefs, dependence on communities, our deep-rooted prejudice against anything that changes us and challenges our beliefs, our disdain for public welfare and a lack of sympathy for a stranger. But you dont. Thats for kings to do. The kings who have, in their quest for self-actualization and truth, embarked on a journey to be perfectly rounded, objective and scathing in their criticism of non-liberal and non-cosmopolitan views. Kings lose touch with their subjects. They fall into this circle where only fellow kings appreciate their wisdom. The connection can and should never be lost. Hence your identity as an Indian prevails over your quest to become a king. As an Indian, you move to defend, within a certain a realm of reason, the way we are. The solution can never be to change 1.2 billion of us. We start by stemming the rot of a few. We need our kings, no doubt. But a king should never come to rule us. It can only be an ordinary Indian, with all our abhorring flaws. As for you, the person in the hole, it will always be a challenging existence.

Paradox

Damn end of another season. Scantily low reasons. If only things didnt go this fast and this blandly. I seem to be getting a new point of view on things every few months. Thankfully the rate of change has slow down courtesy of age. Finally that thing called hope has been killed. Most often people ask, how can someone survive without hope. Well, thats the matrix-type funda. Well not really, but thats how you generate hope. Through illusion. Society calls it disillusioned and Einstein said something like the worst thing a man can do is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Disregarding those things as it may not always apply to a common man caught in an unusual circumstance, safe to say the miracle of illusion works wonders. Same shit in religion and what the babas preach, except that I have my own illusion to survive without hope. What is it that I lost? When did the humanity of earth stop being dynamic? Judging people is one of the problems. If you continue to put the new people you meet into buckets of stereotype, indiscriminately, then there will only be a finite number of buckets and all of the world will be accommodated in them. It cant be this matrix type situation can it? I cant be Neo. Well that dude ended up dead and the buckets lived happily ever after. And the only people I dont put into buckets are the ones I meet when I am full of hope.

Quit whining or write about it #youprefer

Things always take the wildest turn you can never predict. At first it is new and exciting. I couldn't wait to discover interesting articles to read and fun things to have a laugh about. Then the focus shifted to people and how a lot of them could be creative and funny when it comes to dissecting day to day activities. Then it becomes about connecting and real-world worthy contacts. Then the unthinkable happens. You have misjudged and underestimated your own contribution to the scheme of things and the happenings around you. The followers arrive. Before you know you are under pressure. For once, you remember and mildly appreciate Ravi Shashtri's wise yet beaten words 'Its all about handling the pressure'. Everything has changed, the equations have altered, your own landscape has changed thanks to ever-changing preferences. It seems like chaos and a lot of noise. People come and go. A few drunken moments cost you dear. You finally have a landscape which you don't comprehend, you are not connected to, not reading or gaining a bit from, laughter is a thing of the past and a non-existent, fictitious, commitment to your followers. Your own short-comings are blindingly obvious to you and all along you have been learning lessons - more real world than virtual. Finally its all empty and there is no way out - your problem seems to be a combination of 283 numbers. Solution, from the beginning, never depended on the combination of 283 numbers but in finding your own unique, predictable, responsible and enjoyable balance right. You realize what you are not. You quit.

Things are better explained here: http://www.thehindu.com/arts/books/article521961.ece

Am I an Indian?

I have always felt a stranger in my own country, maybe even held captive by forces beyond my control. But I have always known this is where I belong and never once gave a serious thought to leaving it. A misplaced moral compass has been a big aid to enabling this situation! Nationalism is over-rated. If all our people were educated and could live a life with self-respect and self-esteem would there be any real attachment to our country? People would find a lot of other interests to get attached to and would give no real time or attention to feeling proud of this country. The misplaced moral compass is what makes me feel for the masses who cant help themselves. The have-nots in this country have been handed a raw deal. This feeling of sadness and helplessness towards them is what makes me celebrate everytime India wins a cricket match or is shown in positive light in the global stage or when a Banking official provides loans to the poor in South Indian villages to help them start their own business. If you are educated and earn a comfortable living and can live with self-respect, nothing would turn you off more than the type of politicians we have - selfish and rotten to the core. Yet when I see people like P Chidambaram come on tv and answer his critics after a naxal attack, mildly honestly if I may say, I see some hope. Not that I am a supporter of him by any means. I wonder how such people rise to the top. Accountability is hard to establish in our system, a system run by officials who are too self-serving. No good should happen then but it does. A Koda has been side-lined, Pawar's business links are costing him dear, supreme court is pulling up Obulapuram Mining Company and an Arjun Singh is being questioned. This good makes me happy. Am I an Indian? Yes.

Please Say Yes

If you say Yes, I would be happy. There are a lot of people who disagree with me. They dont approve of the fact that someone can love something that is not human. A country. A club. A technology? Too many social media experts around for my liking! Am I compensating for a lack of something by over-compensating for it elsewhere? The world is full of cynics and believers and I have to say they pretty much cancel each other out. The cynics are happy just criticizing everything that they come across and not really putting hope into anything. The believers appear the happy lot, ignorance as they say, is bliss. If you are surrounded by cynics and believers and have an open mind to absorb would you be more inclined to become a cynic or a believer? What exactly makes an individual? I believe this has more to do with your genes than what you are being fed by your immediate surrounding. An analytical mind is a subject of your genes, a god-given misery. It can make a choice but not of its existence. If you spend all your life reading books and talking to the cynics and believers around you, I believe there are not too many scenarios where you will end up a believer. A cynic is the only outcome. Because a believer is born and not made, a god-given misery too. You will be oblivious to your surroundings as you are blinded by your beliefs, the origins of which are forever lost in your muddled, largely unconnected and unorganized brain. I dont know how accountability is established in this world as I forever think the evil is winning. I want to believe. So please say Yes.

Surrounding Influence

In order to perform at your best and deliver on expectations, you need an ambience...a place where you are liked and the music is per your wishes. I am not sure if people feel the need to perform all the time as it can become exhausting, but the ones with such a spirit and energy - even artificially created using stimulants - do feel the need. Maybe its a form of liberation. A freedom from not performing. Or a life goal, of global dominance. The later having few takers. If one takes this to an extreme, you would be performing all the time and the part of your character which doesnt do anything may be eventually overpowered. I find my ambience in a variety of situations, one of which is listening to music which has no beats. A form of sereneness and calm sets in, you say deep things in short sentences, devoid of any connotations. As you grow older almost everything can appear deep and complicated. Words cannot always capture the essence of one's feeling. Experience and change add their own connotation to your words leaving out the need for anything explicit. Performance varies as per the ambience and the time for which you have been performing. There may be an end to you performing. Maybe you loose the ambience or the audience. Jokes from 70s are not funny anymore though a deep few still go to operas. In time, people resort to set patterns which they know get the reception, it becomes a routine and is not a performance anymore. If you want to perform, pick the right ambience but dont plan, unless you are a mathematician.

The Rolemodel

A break can do you good like no other. Sometimes, you need to take a step back and have a look at your life, and you will realize it is a mess! A good view, nevertheless. A wrecked angle never bothered me, never has - its the the window to something beautiful, a perfectly symmetrical calculated imperfection. Imperfection is an art or the art of being imperfect is a beauty, whatever works. We are often bogged down by societal pressures and give in to our loved ones' demands and in this process move closer to being the most perfect we can ever be. I read once that smart people have a responsibility to be successful. What rubbish. Smart people have a right to exist and do whatever it is that makes them happy, which I believe is what everyone of us is striving to do. It might surprise you when you wonder what all things you have become a role model for? You will be referred throughout your life, behind your back, as a role model for a variety of things - a good sportsman, religious gym enthusiast, passionate photographer, humorist, person of strong values, kindest heart and most commonly a successful person. When you take a step back and look at what you are, through clear looking glass, from a wrecked angle, and you see the mess, you know you are amongst the best role models out there. All that is left to be done is to tell your story, meet the world and you will be immortalized through your stories, the places you have been and things you have done. So take a break from your routine, it might be worth the view.

You did not say that!

When in doubt, never wink. Thats the motto that works best in almost all situations. There is no denying that there is more to this world than we will ever know and we may never get to touch the limits of knowledge. Indian society places a lot of emphasis on knowing a lot of what you are about to do at all times. Ushar, the word in my mother tongue. Yes you can be ushar if you continue to do the same things living in the same place which you know everything about. Attitude matters when it comes to approaching unknown problems and situations. There are people in this country who are closer to you than you would like, they have business to do with you. If you believe everyone has an angle and every person has his character and place in this world, then you will end up having to know the entire population of a small village in your lifetime. India has a billion people and with development, each will be of their own type. Even science does not believe a person can end up knowing so many people. Blink and they will remove the carpet from under your feet. If this is the rut, knowing everything may well be a limitation while instinct is the only solution that fits. Better to say a mouthful of incoherent loopholed arguments without batting an eyelid than to find out what there is to know about the situation. I never get tired of all the negative energy around me. It may well make me magnetic, scientifically speaking.

Most men wont

Whats free will and freedom to live and express yourself in this country worth? We are constrained, domesticated and made to kneel before the one's with power, long corrupted and devoid of any morals. If only everyone knew the implications, there would be a concerted effort to make a change in the system. Otherwise, we would continue to have guys like Shashank Manohar coming out and openly expressing his thuggery with a contempt and an unparalleled and unchallenged disdain for the system and its people. Is it ok if bad things happen to the ones we dont know? How long before it happens to us? This country runs on low probability of bad things happening to each one of us. We are just too many, a positive thought outnumbered and surrounded by negative ones. Best shared with loved ones. We bite the social communication pill for relief everyday, though short-lived it serves its purpose and makes it easier to ignore the negative energy. Battles are for warriors. I met a goon in the lift of my apartment today. He lives a couple of floors above me. He threw open and left the doors open when he left the lift.

Stop, take a moment to reflect

When was the last time you stopped to reflect on your life? Most people go through life on auto-pilot. There are people around them all the time and life becomes this string of conversations and events that these people who surround you trigger in your life. To these lot, reflection does not hold much value. Reflections of your choices, events and conversations help you improve how you face the world. Life without improvements will be like doing the same mistakes again and again. Whenever I meet people who dont seem to have even a single moment of reflection, I just think what is the point of developing a relationship with them? It will just be dominated by a series of conversations and choices which are fundamentally ill-thought out, impatient and lacking any real wisdom and primarily dominated by them. This phenomemon of a lack of reflecting capability is closely linked to a lack of listening skills. People who dont have the capacity to reflect should listen to others and thereby learn something new and/or learn a new way of looking at things. The world is full of people who dont stop, who dont relfect. Not that there is anything wrong with it, like gay people, just a bit worse.